He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
