Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize