Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
