I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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