she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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