Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
