just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
