Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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