Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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