Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
