we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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