Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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