i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
