i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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