Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
