how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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