I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
