My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
