I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
