Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
