I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
