we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
