Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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