WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
