i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
