I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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