I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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