so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
