If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
