I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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