i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
