You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
