Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
