He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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