she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
