operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
