Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
