whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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