Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
