kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize