Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
