you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
