you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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