i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
