My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
