Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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