I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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