New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
only if we run a train.
done.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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