Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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