My friends, they love my intelligence
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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