if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
