Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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