Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
