I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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