can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Me too!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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