Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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