He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
