Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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