I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
