I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
