Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
