Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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