yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
