so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
