i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
